I wish I had good advice for you... I've been there too many times, and although i'm doing well with keeping things at a distance and a slower pace with friends, I'm not sure exactly when that happened or how :/ Well actually part of it is that one of my very best friends is in Australia and is likely bpd too. She is very much like me but we came to an understanding of each other that if one of us disappeared we both promised to be back, if anything happened we understood the other and really supported each other, through our panicking and freak out phases. I don't know how this can help but it helped me to find someone that really understood my behaviors were never about them.

I'm sure this is no help but thought i would share that.