I don't know if anyone can help me with my "burning question" (I've contacted numerous psychologists online yesterday, but no replies so far), but here goes:

I am nineteen years old, a junior in college, and I have been wondering about my sexuality for a long time. I guess I should start off by saying I grew-up in a very open-minded and accepting / tolerant setting, so I have always been keen to exploring new ideas. I have also been doing a lot of independent research about human sexual fluidity and psychological theories concerning men who have some homosexual tendencies supposedly due to lack of male bonding in early years. (*I am not necessarily validating this theory, just saying I saw it!) If either or both theory is true, I can honestly see why it could apply to me. I am not a "porn person" (odd for a college guy, I know), but there was a time in my life, for about two months, when I did find gay porn stimulating. However, after much contemplation and mediation (and research, because obviously I am a bit of a nerd), I could never see myself in an emotional relationship with another man, or even in a sexual / physical one. I have always had "crushes" (and for extended periods of time, which always ended in total disasters because I never got the courage to ask the good lady(s), lol) on women, and I do get sexually attracted to them. (especially AFTER becoming emotionally, romantically, spiritually, mentally, etc.) I've always wanted a wife (and biological children at some point)--a special lady to share my life with, not a man. (No offense to the men, lol) Still, I do occasionally see men who I find attractive (*Also note that 90% of the time it's men I see as models in photographs (again I don't go looking for porn, just in general), not really in person). I find myself stimulated, but like I said, I don't think I could ever even kiss a man and enjoy it. Many people on public forums says it could grow with time, but I don't see that ever happening. It's just not part of who I truly believe I am. I would also like to note I am Asian-American, adopted by White people, and have had some self-image issues that I think is due to the fact that I don't look like the race that raised me. (Not being racist, I love 'em!) I have noticed that men who I find attractive are White...could there be a connection in my psychology? (Like if the attraction could be due to my need to look like the ideal White man) Finally, I honestly just wonder about my future. (Who doesn't, really?) I just want to find a good lady to spend the rest of my days with, but this is so important to me--my sexuality--and so intrinsic to the individual, that I must be honest about it.

CLEARLY, I need help…help?