I should go see my pdoc tomorrow. I've already rescheduled once but honestly, I don't really want to go. It's just pointless. When you finally seem to be getting better, there's always something to push you back down. Repeat 'till you can be excused by natural death. Yeah, thanks. I don't want to be alive but I'm not suicidal either. Will we ever find out what it's like to be glad to be alive?