First I told my T about the dreams. She was impressed, and of course wanted to know what I felt physically when I thought about the little girl. It was hard to get back to that, but I did say I felt a glimmer of hope, so I felt physically lighter.

I asked if she'd tell me when I interrupt her and she was impressed that I want to work on that. She asked if I asked my H to tell me, too. I stopped myself once from interrupting during my session and she said "good for you!"

I said I want to know "how do I separate from you" and also "how can I deal with my anxiety about planning my trip this summer". I was supposed to pick one to work on and I picked "separation" but we ended up working on both, using SE, of course.

She wanted to know where I felt the feelings about quitting T. I had trouble because I didn't want to look at her. I said I was avoiding her. I didn't want to tell her that it hurt to realize I wouldn't be able to see her when I quit, that those "in love" feelings are still there. They, and the normal transference love feelings were both there today.There's no use telling her that again.

She talked about internalizing the qualities about her that I like and putting them inside of me. Then she wanted me to tell her what they are. I got embarrassed about that and said being "calm", and then, "her caring about me." She said when I leave the caring about me won't go away. She will always care about me! I said that made me feel good all over.

With SE, we go back and forth from talking to noticing what I feel physically, and where. I could identify the heavy feeling inside of me whenever she said the word "separation".

Then we talked about my fears of being disappointed and how that's why I hesitate to plan trips. I worry that it won't happen, that something bad will happen instead. The risks are too great, and it's easier to do nothing. That was a helpful conversation. Again, she used SE to ask what and where I felt those feelings in my body.

She gave me homework! I'm to plan my trip! I was already thinking about it last night and this morning, and getting stressed. I don't get excited; I get anxious. We talked about all my "what ifs" but she said to plan the trip anyway. It can always be changed, and if I plan it and we don't go, I can get over the disappointment. That's scary for me, and we talked about it.

My grandson is having major heart surgery next month, but I'm to plan my trip for after that, anyway. Bad things can happen, but plan the trip anyway, she said. I'm afraid. He will probably be fine, but if not, I don't think I could go away and enjoy myself. The trip would be in mid-August; hopefully we'll have our passports before then!

It was a helpful session. Once I got over not wanting to look at my T, we accomplished a lot, and I am trusting her about the SE. I feel sad that we have to talk about separation, though. In a way, though, it's comforting because I didn't expect her to jump right in and say, "okay, let's talk and work on separation!"