You know what I mean.

You've been a job too long. A great job, the best job you've had in your adult life. (Also, to add... a job you've been able to hold down for almost 2 years. A record for you.) You've FINALLY started your 401K at the age of 31. It's a job that makes it easy to function in and deep down you KNOW that it's a one in a million type of place. You're just starting to wrench the wheels of trolly back on the right track but it feels... off.

You want that... change. That something. That thing that pulls you to checking job boards, pulls you to go house hunting when you really have no reason to move, pulls you to thinking that you shouldn't be on birth control because maybe you'd like another baby. That pull forward, or sidewise or even back... but that pull to change.

Things go well. But too well. Things are too perfect. Things are too... Rockwellian. It's gross and it's sickening. You don't deserve it. But you could be better. So much better. Not only "could", but you SHOULD be better. You've grown stagnant and it's your own damn fault. You've fallen over your own feet and you know you could have stopped it. You SHOULD have stopped it. You are weak. You are a disappointment.

How have I gotten here? This isn't where I was meant to be. I don't belong here.