I was sick of always being short on money at the end of the month so I decided to find a part-time job, which I think is a good sign. Taking action rather than just sitting around complaining is progress maybe. But my new job might be kind of tough considering my issues. I'm a hostess at a hostess club in Tokyo. I don't know if you know what that is, but guys come in and pay to have girls sit and entertain them and pour their drinks. It's the 21st century version of a Geisha. My job is to chat and entertain the guys, plus try and get him to buy as many drinks as possible because that's where I make my commission. I said this is difficult for me considering my issues because I have a lot of adult child of alcoholic family issues - low self-esteem, social anxiety, needing others' approval, feelings of unworthiness, not being able to ask for things I want.

So when I sit down with a customer I'm not able to be entertaining because I usually don't talk to someone unless I already feel safe that they're not going to reject me, that I've gotten some signal that makes me feel like I have their approval. At this job I have to jump right in and also be the one leading the conversation. It's very difficult. But it might be good for me to force myself to try and do these new things and change my old patterns.

Also I have a lot of trouble asking guys for drinks but that's my job. I can ask for one drink but after that I feel bad asking for another, or asking him to buy a bottle of something, or to stay an extra hour. Part of the job is to be pushy. I'm a pushover not a pushy person. Is it something I can learn to do or am I in over my head?

What I do enjoy about hostessing is getting dressed up. I have a lot of confidence in my looks and I really enjoy getting dolled up, wearing sexy cocktail dresses, doing my hair and makeup and nails. So that part is fun.

Do you think someone with my issues can make it as a hostess? Is it a good opportunity to learn some new life skills or am I just going to crash and burn?