Ugh. I think I need to bring up the horrid topic of sex.

The truth is, I'm suddenly becoming kinda obsessed. I'm CSA and multiple SA survivor who is now divorcing my latest perp.

I was married to a sex addict with weird fetishes, so sex was complicated. I have never enjoyed sex. I've endured it. I've pretended so I'd seem "normal".

And now that I'm starting to feel free of that, I want sex. I'm flirting with a married man - awful, i know - but I will never have sex with him and he knows it. But oh how it is making me feel! I've never once felt excited and I'm in my mid-40s.

I went out to dinner with a work colleague who was in from out of town and he point blank asked me to go to his hotel room and have sex. Said he was very good at it. And yes, I knew he was married too, so I said no ... but again, I sure wanted to do it.

Now I'm getting ready to go overseas for a while. And I'm fantasizing about all the interesting men I can sleep with. I won't do it. But why am I feeling this way?

Can anyone relate to this post-post-post adolescent behavior?