Mapleton: I think I understand your thoughts. I practice DBT and sometimes I feel like it is all about being mindful, being right here right now. If I can manage that, then the past does not interfere with the present. In some ways, being mindful can be seen as a distraction, as it is a distraction from all the chatter in and around you. Becoming mindful really is not a distraction, but a choice to allow whatever is to be. Accepting things as they are does NOT imply approval and it does not dictate passivity.
For example, a family member can be abusive sometimes. When I notice her being grumpy, I can focus on her mood and signs she is giving off and I can then react in a defensive or offensive manner. I am using her past behavior as a predictor of the future. I am preparing myself for what has not happened and I am getting stressed out, which inhibits my ability to think clearly and operate in my wise mind. If I believe myself to be threatened, I will go to fight or flight mode. On the other hand, if I notice her getting cranky and remain mindful, I can allow her to feel whatever she is feeling and accept that she is who she is. Her mood has nothing to do with me, but with her. This accepting attitude helps me to remain calm and retain the ability to think. In fight or flight mode, I would have fed into her negative energy. In mindfulness, I observe her actions and words, but without judgement and without predicting what she will do next. That may enable me to be kinder to her or more impervious to her, depending on what my wise mind is saying is appropriate at the moment. I am less likely to become her target in wise mind. In fight or flight mode, I end up giving off victim type signals, which facilitates and attack. Can you see how that is not really a distraction, but a way to connect with my own power?