Suga, I'm so so so sorry that your "friend" utterly failed at being a friend! Stupid person - you WERE trying to help yourself! How can't she see that?

Definitely tell your T about the urges ok? It's important that you take care of yourself. Take everything with you to the T just in case you get the courage to ask your T for the help that your "friend" refused to give. You might not ask, but at least if you have them with you you can still convince yourself to try at the last second

I hope your T is more helpful than your "friend". Goodness. I am rather mad at your friend on your behalf - friend fails are currently a hot-topic for me!