Sounds like a rock and a hard place. I'd go now while I'm more sure of myself and what I want and don't need the hospital yet to see what help I could get so I don't have to go into the hospital later, when I'm worse? Attitude has a lot to do with perception, both yours and the doctors I think; if you go see him like "normal" would be better than having to explain "avoiding" him? You can't know how an individual doctor is going to act by reading someting about a "group."