Hi herdaughter - i agree with the other posters in that professional help really is the best solution in helping you to cope with your feelings better and to discover more productive ways of moving forward. I think your childhood issues especially need some exploration. As people tend to wait some time for therapy appointments, is there any use in trying to book now for you to attend after you've come back from travelling? There are many self help guides and workbooks out there, DBT coping strategies may be particularly good in your circumstances. DBT Self Help is a great website that may be worth a read, i believe they have downloadable worksheets you may be interested in looking at. I hope i've been of some help. Regards, Rebecca.