I know there have been many replies to this post so far but my question to the OP would be, is it perhaps an indication that your outpatient treatment/support isn't as helpful as you would like? I often find that when i crave being in a hospital environment its because i feel vulnerable and not properly taken care of. What does your pdoc say about all this? Do you feel you could discuss it with them if you haven't already? I would like to reassure you though that your concerns are certainly not uncommon. Perhaps this is the most effective way of coping with how you feel even if it doesn't come to fruition. Kind of like how somebody who is trying to cut down on cigarettes may keep them around not as a temptation but for reassurance just in case they feel they need them - they may not want to use them, in the same way that you don't want to end up in hospital - but in a way they're kind of like a security blanket. On the other hand you may be inadvertently allowing your fear of going into hospital to prevent you from taking on the bigger challenges in your life. I'm not in any way criticizing you or undermining your efforts to get better but again i think it comes down to a question of support. After all change is scary and it can be overwhelming at the best of times but i put it to you - if you were sure that the help you were getting was as good as you'd like, would you fear bigger things happening in your life as much? All of these are just my thoughts as an objective observer. I don't know your full circumstances and i hope none of this is taken the wrong way as it certainly wasn't meant to offend. I wish you the very best of luck.