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Jun 26, 2013, 04:40 PM
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Member Since: Aug 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 56
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That very succinctly represents my problems as you have listed....how's that for logical. You've hit the nail on the head really.
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Originally Posted by lido78
You seem to be very aware of your issues and present them in a logical way...are you able to "reason" yourself out of your feelings of insecurity when they arise?
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Much of the time, but not always depending on the situation. I do need to exercise more discipline as you say. There are certain situations where I really struggle.
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Originally Posted by lido78
I have similar feelings from time to time and also realize, in my logical moments, that my feelings really aren't based on reality or even anything tangible (such as evidence of a cheating partner)...so, when panic sets in, I really can only talk myself down by presenting myself with the "facts." And, at the end of the analysis, the facts do not support my initial (albeit delusional) conclusion....sometimes I feel as if I'm two people...they panicky insecure one and then the more logical assured one.
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Very much so. Sometimes the Dr. Spock side (my brother loves Star Trek and it seems applicable here) can’t get through the panic fast enough before its causing problems. I have to have time to ‘present the case’ as it were to prove to myself that based on the facts and evidence that I can stop from having an emotional episode. In the past I’ve told my fiancé that there may be times I’m upset that I just have to be left alone to work it through, but then he’s upset since he feels like ‘he’s done something wrong’. Sometimes it a no win proposition either way. I need time to reassure myself remembering the thoughtful things he’s done, specifically and recently, loving letters, etc. before I’ll believe that I can end my suspicions/fears. It seems that I can’t just take it on faith that his feelings haven’t changed any time a new situation arises, I have to keep reassuring and reassuring myself. Consciously writing this down makes it sound rather pitiful. Which I’m sure it is, logically anyway.
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Originally Posted by lido78
I'm hyper-aware to the point of walking myself through the situation should it ever occur. Very damaging to my relationships in that I can sometimes get so upset (over something that has never happened), that it spills over into "reality"....kind of like waking up from a bad dream and feeling as if it really might have happened.
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It is an awful way to live and ironically piles more punishment on top of previous pains. Hyper-aware is exactly what it is. Listening for changes in tone, what’s been exchanged, is his behavior altered at all…….how embarrassing. I really don’t know if these perceived changes are real, but part of my just can’t let go of the idea that they are. I react like the jealous girlfriend and part of the rub of that is that he’s already had a jealous girlfriend with whom he had a terrible relationship and she drove him crazy. It ended badly and he’s scarred from it. So my panicking or worse send him into an angry defensive mode and then we’re off…so to speak. I don’t consciously view myself as a jealous person, no more than anyone else I’d say, but I’m struggling with this one. After it happens I can’t imagine why it did.
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