Quote:
Originally Posted by Herdaughter
That very succinctly represents my problems as you have listed....how's that for logical. You've hit the nail on the head really.
Much of the time, but not always depending on the situation. I do need to exercise more discipline as you say. There are certain situations where I really struggle.
Very much so. Sometimes the Dr. Spock side (my brother loves Star Trek and it seems applicable here) can’t get through the panic fast enough before its causing problems. I have to have time to ‘present the case’ as it were to prove to myself that based on the facts and evidence that I can stop from having an emotional episode. In the past I’ve told my fiancé that there may be times I’m upset that I just have to be left alone to work it through, but then he’s upset since he feels like ‘he’s done something wrong’. Sometimes it a no win proposition either way. I need time to reassure myself remembering the thoughtful things he’s done, specifically and recently, loving letters, etc. before I’ll believe that I can end my suspicions/fears. It seems that I can’t just take it on faith that his feelings haven’t changed any time a new situation arises, I have to keep reassuring and reassuring myself. Consciously writing this down makes it sound rather pitiful. Which I’m sure it is, logically anyway.
It is an awful way to live and ironically piles more punishment on top of previous pains. Hyper-aware is exactly what it is. Listening for changes in tone, what’s been exchanged, is his behavior altered at all…….how embarrassing. I really don’t know if these perceived changes are real, but part of my just can’t let go of the idea that they are. I react like the jealous girlfriend and part of the rub of that is that he’s already had a jealous girlfriend with whom he had a terrible relationship and she drove him crazy. It ended badly and he’s scarred from it. So my panicking or worse send him into an angry defensive mode and then we’re off…so to speak. I don’t consciously view myself as a jealous person, no more than anyone else I’d say, but I’m struggling with this one. After it happens I can’t imagine why it did.
|
Boy, this is like reading my relationship biography. Pretty much everything is the exact same. My boyfriend used to be very tolerant (he was aware of my family issues from the beginning), but he now gets defensive out of frustration...and yet, I cannot always stop myself (and his defensiveness only adds fuel to my fire). When these issues arise, I promise to keep it to myself until I have space to work through them and get my logical self to slap around my insecure self....However, I don't always have the self-control and then, we're off and running...usually culminating in a crazy fight over perception. He does not understand at all the way my mind works (he never doubts me or shows any jealousy even though his ex-wife cheated on him)...so, I'm sure he thinks I'm totally crazy at time....flipping back and forth so much, I sometimes feel crazy too. Ugh. It sucks, but has gotten better from when I was younger in other relationships...I try to give myself 24 hours before bringing up a particular issue with him...it's gotten so this works about 90% of the time...