Oh, you are back, so I wanted to share with you what one of my one-time acquaintances said to me about what you described as the combination of a larger than usual behind with smaller-than-average breasts.

That woman was wickedly sexy with natural red hair, refined facial features, a wasp waist, broad, full hips, and - yes, a big ***. And flat-chested.

She was in her late 20s.

So she astonished me with the following theory of hers. Actually, she did not present it as theory - she presented it as facts.

According to her, Freud wrote that female breasts are a symbolic representation of female ***, and that "true" men lust after the *** and only after the *** because they do not settle for any kind of symbolic representation - only incomplete, infantile, unworthy, sissy men lust after breasts because such men are afraid to be truly masculine.

She blurted it out with conviction when we were trying on summer dresses at a department store together. What prompted her was my dissatisfaction with the fact that some of the dresses looked great but were too tight in the bust and thus no good for me. So then she explained to me that my having bigger breasts not only severely limited me in the choice of clothing, but also prevented me from meeting truly masculine men who are not afraid of their sexuality.

She was a PhD student in humanities and I was a MS student in a quantitative, boring discipline full of such drudgery as data analysis. I did not read Freud in the course of my academic studies and she must have read Freud (or so I assumed).

Since then she has married, given birth to two children, and is an assistant professor at a prestigious university on the East Coast.

Back when I knew her, various boyfriends and ex boyfriends from various locales were mentioned, with an emphasis on Latin American men because, according to her, Latin American men tended to appreciate the true female sexuality in the form of a big *** more so than did their North American and European counterparts. That said, the intrusive attention of the chair of her department (who was an older man from Europe) necessitated her contacting campus student services in order to get help as a victim of sexual harassment. I conclude that some European men are audacious enough to appreciate true female sexuality.

I advise you to take that woman's stance on things ASAP.