Thank you for your response! It is the first in all this time that I have received that seemed to reflect how I feel back. At times I feel no one has ever had so much heartache. I suffer so much that I can not imagine my torn heart ever feeling a stitch much less a true repair. I speak to my boys every night unless their Dad is upset with me for this reason or that and each time I call there is a little part of me that dies, become more angry and that all powerful God aweful feeling of helplessness. I hang up with a lump in my throat and afraid to breath for fear that I will cry to the point of insanity. I now have high blood pressure that is killing me and meds don't seem to want to work. I ask my doctor had he ever heard of when a some one loses someone that they soon die afterwards, because that is what I truely feel is the case. My heart is not with me but is with my ex and it is killing me. I am doing the things such as going to work each morning (even though I wish I could just sleep til I die) and am enroll back in college to start in the fall. I pray things will get better but somehow I just dont see that happening. My life sucks without my baby and I just hate living it without him beside me.