So I need some advice on relationships (again). I just got out of an abusive relationship (it's been about a month) and I recently met a new guy and we went on a date and I ended up sleeping with him. I don't regret that- it was fun and I feel like it was ultimately good for me. He is only in town for four months so he doesn't want a relationship and frankly neither do I. I still love my ex and I'm trying to get over him so I'm not ready to jump into a serious relationship again.
But then stuff got kind of weird. I like BDSM stuff and we got into that and it was good, we used safe words and signals and he was respectful of me. But afterwords I ended up telling him that I am currently battling anorexia and his response was to ask me to weigh myself every time we saw each other. I don't know if he thought this would be a sexy kind of humiliation BDSM thing or if he was trying to “cure” me of my anorexia by refusing to keep up our casual relationship if I didn't gain weight.
At the time I was drunk and it caught me off guard so I just said okay but that's really not okay with me. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he knows nothing about eating disorders and how triggering that would be for me. We had sex again that night and after he told me I should grow out my hair (I have a pixie cut right now and I love it) because I'd look sexy with more weight and long hair. He started talking about seeing me with boobs and a booty and I ended up telling him that it's not going to happen because I have a thyroid condition and a small frame and at my healthiest weight I've always been an A cup (another body issue I'm very sensitive about). His response was along the lines of “oh too bad”.
Then he starts talking about how he can't wait to see him “transform” me in his last four months in town. Now (two days later) I wake up to a text that says he can't wait to see me put on more weight so I'll have a sexy booty. I feel like ****. I don't understand why he would sleep with me if what he wanted was a curvy girl with long hair. I don't know if he thinks I like this because I'm submissive in bed (I know some people carry on BDSM relationships outside of the bedroom but that's not my thing) or if he thinks he's just encouraging me to not be anorexic.
I know I have to mention this to him in order for me to keep seeing him but I'm wondering if I should keep seeing him at all because this is sending up serious red flags. I feel like I'm being treated like an object. The thing is he's in my group of friends so I'm bound to run into him again so I can't just decide to ignore him. I'll have to address it at some point.
What should I do? Do you think he's just trying to be helpful/sexy or should I just cut things off and deal with some awkwardness around mutual friends? I'm in a very vulnerable position right now and I don't want to deal with any controlling or insensitive guys even if it's just a casual thing.