Well... John... first and foremost: NO ODING ON PILLS. (or anything else).

There. Now that I've got that said...

You are having strong urges to swallow all those pills.. and trust me... I get it... and I get it even more as not an actual suicide attempt, but as a desire to end the troubles (in my case, I'd OD to GIVE myself a sore stomach to have a reason to not feel good... utterly backwards isn't it?!) but you ARE stronger than that urge. Maybe you don't believe it, but I fully do.

Is there anyone that you trust or care about that you could go and spend some time with to help the urge go away? I know that this one is a pathetic suggestion on my end... but is there any chance at all that reading a story and immersing yourself TOTALLY into the world could help you? (I find a series to be good for that, because if I finish one super quick like I often do.. can grab another one of characters I'm already attached to).

Sleeping is ok. Sleeping because you OD on pills and not waking up is not ok. Not in any way ok.

I don't know how else to help aside from offering you and ear John... but right now I feel worried for you, and I don't want to see you hurt yourself. *hugs*