Precariously.

I have major trust issues, and a low physical self-esteeem. And unfortunately my experiences and relationships... have almost always ended due to circumstances in life that the guy couldn't seem to balance with a relationship. So, I've had it reinforced multiple times that I am not worth the effort of pursuing a relationship with, even though it has always been the guy who has initiated the relationship and set the pace.

So... I don't really trust new ones. I'm usually on strike even though I'm lonely. I do not actively look for a relationship. I tend to fall into them.

When I do end up in a relationship, I tell to go the full-discloser route once they've taken the relationship in a direction that isn't super-casual. I don't see a point in lying or withholding serious information about myself if it presents a chance to come up. I open up to my feelings even though I'm terrified of getting hurt - because at least when it's came to a horrible end, well, at least I know that I took the risk and that it wasn't because I was being distant or whatnot. I gave it my all.

I dont' really like thinking or talking about it though. It makes me sad when I think about how I am really not worth it to anyone, because I don't like to think that it's true, but that's what experience shows me.

It's hard to take the risk and expose yourself to the discomfort.