I suddenly became angry and I have the rage now. I know it's coming out of trauma from the bad time in 2011. I'm working to calm myself but now I just get angry at everything all the time.

But, I think about it and I used to be such a calm and level headed person. I wonder if I just was always angry but held it back. But, being bullied from 1st grade on and then my mom was sick my whole life, my dad never understood anything, then my mom died, and then my dad not being there for me emotionally, and then he totally flipped and changed into a new person for my step mom, then my friends turning out to be crap, and then the mistake marriage, losing custody of my oldest son.... I think the trauma of 2011 just broke me. It snapped me. And I think the rage is more than that, it comes from everything and it was just the final straw. You know?

I feel like... I don't want to hold it back any more. If I'm angry, I don't have have to explode. But maybe I have the right to be angry, to have that emtion, to feel upset. And to just discuss it. Be mad, and then let it go. Let it out.

I just have to find the balance, since before I held it in and now I explode.

Just a thought.