Welcome!!! This place has put a lot of rest to my fears and worries. I hope it helps you too. I'm curious as to whether or not you think you may still be suffering from postpartum as well? Have you talked to your doctor about this? One thing I feel you should always keep in mind is that being a new mom the stress and worries and fears and anxiety double with any woman. It will ease as time goes by and you become more confident in reading you're child's needs and how you parent. Unless, you keep yourself from being a better mom by getting lost in what ifs. there is no better mother for your son than you. If you can not with the help and support of loved ones and on here keep your anxiety down, it would be time to look into therapy and medicine. I would be willing to bet the monthly battle is a mix of being a new mom and that time being difficult to control emotions anyway. It does not mean you need to be committed. Please do not think I'm preaching. This is what was told to me when I was in the same situation. I have been through it, and I am in more control now. I was also better with my second, not worse. P.S. you don't have to do anything that makes you panic unless it is for the necessity of living or you're kids safety and surety.