I am in my mid-20's and only recently found out i have BDP, been both a relief and a real struggle since the diagnosis.

The issue i want to talk about started about a month ago with a work friend i have known for a few years, i noticed the behaviour of my friend change suddenly one week, she had become reserved and quiet, at first i assumed she may be having a personal issue she was dealing but then realised that her behaviour was only different toward me, she had been ignoring me and unresponsive to my attempts at conversation. During this time i sent her a couple of short e-mails basically saying i am bit concerned about you, hope everything is fine and if you want to talk about anything let me know, she never did respond.

It was like that for another week or so, then one day as we were walking past another she avoided eye contact and did not saying anything, i knew then something was up and it did involve me and i needed to figure it out because it was killing me. She finally opened up a bit through an e-mail and basically said that she didn't want to be friends like before as people had been talking about us. It didn't make sense to me and still doesn't as she could normally ignore that type of stuff & she is in her mid 30's and in a relationship, so im not sure what happened that made her react as she did.. but at that point i realised she was uncomfortable and knew i needed to give her space and didn't talk or attempt converse with her. I could sort of accept this, i saw it as just another one of those relationships in my life that just breaks down for whatever reason, even though i knew this was not my fault... but it really bugged me that she could suddenly just ignore me and that she knew i was worried about her and chose not to respond at all to my concern.

after not talking for a while, she was the one who slowly tried to initiate contact, i am not sure why, i could see she was trying to make an a bit of an effort but she could see i was now the one who was uncomfortable. I was really angry at her and i guess part of me still is, i realised i needed to think about what would make me feel more comfortable just being at work and how I could move past it, i had asked her to tell me what exactly what happened to trigger her reaction, but she wouldn't, after that i realised she probably never will open up to it, I thought then I could accept this and wanted to make an effort to try rebuild some sort of relationship seeing as she was now willing to talk, i guess this is where it's at now for me, part of me wants to rebuild the friendship but I am fighting my intense feelings to as bad as it sounds to hurt her feelings and destroy any chance of a friendship, i have wanted to see it things from her point of view, but since she won’t tell me anything it’s hard, the fact she doesn't seem comfortable talking to me in front of other people and that our contact in general feels a bit weird just triggers all those bad feelings I have.

All this feels so silly, I guess it hurts because I had been close to this person and the way she acted suggests she doesn’t think much of me, and that now I can’t seem to trust her i don’t know how to react, I need to accept all this for what is and move on, and I don’t want to hurt anyone because that’s not what im about, im just not sure how to resolve this within myself. I appreciate anyone who took the time to read this and comment.