I never in a million years thought I would be going through divorce. I made so many sacrifices to keep my family together. This is so hard for me to deal with. I still love my husband very much. He hurt me so much. I never thought he would hurt me the way he did. I miss him terribly. I still have so much love in my heart for him. Everyday i think of him, what he's doing, if he's happy now...i look at my girls and think of him. When i cook i think of him. I did everything for him..i wonder how he's getting by. Then i feel angry and sad because i think he really is happy now. It's so unfair. All my dreams were shattered in an instant. We were even planning a baby...thank God i take care of myself or else i'd be pregnant dealing with all of this. I don't understand how he could do what he did. The betrayal. The lies. He says he loves me but i can't believe him after all he's done. I can't go back. I feel so humiliated. I feel like a piece of trash. Everybody tells me to just let go, that it's his loss...to see this as taking out the trash out of my life. I hate myself for loving him so much. He was my first everything. I'm having such a hard time seeing my future without him. Feel so hopeless..and i hate myself for thinking this way. Then i remember how much he hurt me and a tornado of emotions overwhelm me. Sometimes i want to run faraway..but i can't. Everybody tells me to give myself time but sometimes i feel so desperate. I pray to God..that he take this love away..make me indifferent. Give me strength. It's so hard to let go. Everything came crashing down on me with fury....i'm trying to do all the things you're supposed to..i know it's not easy but does anybody have any suggestions on how to let go..how to feel better? I have no contact with him..my choice. I don't want to reconcile..i'm too hurt. I want to move on and let go. I don't think i will ever trust again....i'm here because of kids. I'm strong for them. I'm fighting for them. But i want to be able to do it for me too.