Because there was someone in my life who was bipolar who was a criminal and I fear becoming anything like him. It's an outrageous fear but very personal.

I'm afraid of the stigma.

I'm afraid of needing meds for the rest of my life.

I'm afraid of not being "healthy."

I'm afraid my nurse practitioner is wrong, and I'm afraid she's right.

I'm afraid of becoming addicted or physically dependent on meds. I hate taking meds.

I'm afraid that the cost of the meds could bankrupt us or make me get a job that would have health benefits (my current job doesn't offer them and I really like my current job...)

I'm afraid of what my husband would think even though he's never been anything but supportive.

I'm afraid people will think I'm making this stuff up.

And I'm so secretive about my moods that sometimes I wonder if I AM making stuff up, for attention or something. I just don't know what to trust anymore and it's kind of...no, very scary. Before I started therapy a year ago, I was a closed off box with a tightly secured lid. I don't recall having ANY emotions. Now I'm all over the place, like a de-railing train...