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It sounds like you are in a really tricky place and that the hospital is your only real solution. It's the quickest way for you to see a doctor and get onto meds, or if you are on existing ones, to get those adjusted.
I understand your concern that the hospital may not have helped in the past, but you don't seem to have much of an option.
Depression is so draining and painful and you can only take so much of it
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"I'd rather attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed. Robert H. Schuller"
Current dx: Bipolar Disorder Unspecified
Current Meds: Epitec (Lamotrigine) 300mg, Solian 50mg, Seroquel 25mg PRN, Metformin 500mg, Klonopin prn
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