(((Drunksun))) I've had the same esperiences wiht alcohol lately, I don't drink much, maybe 2 to 3 glasses of wine per week, except when I feel like crap and entead of SI I choose alcohol to make me sleepy, but I got to the same emotional point that you describe. For personal choice I'm off meds right now, but alcohol stoped been fun for me to be soemtimes a nightmare.
The good thing about this is that you know the outcome, so maybe you amount should be really reduce to almost nothing.
I hope thing work out.
P.P.: I know about embarrasment, I hate that feeling...