I fight against this diagnosis like there's no tomorrow, but I find myself mired in it at the moment. The push/pull is crazy right now, and my T is getting the brunt of it. I think he may want to kill me right now. One minute I am clinging to him like he is my only hope, and the next I'm mad at him and wanting to run away. I hate it, but I can't seem to keep it under wraps no matter how hard I try.
It was all triggered by a series of upcoming losses: the realization that he is just an intern and will be leaving soon (luckily, it happens to the the end of the summer); the group therapist for the drop-in group is leaving to do her own thing in 2 weeks; and I'm pretty sure our marriage therapist will also be leaving in August... I don't do well with goodbyes and losses. I don't do well with having to trust a new person all over again. It has me freaking out. (that, and I am getting some major hints from the above mentioned people, that my wife should leave me because I will end up killing myself anyway, so she should cut her losses - well, gee, thanks).
I's freaking out, so it ends up looking like a hot mess to the one person I have actually trusted with more of myself lately... I should know how to deal with all this, but I just can't seem to figure it out. It's frustrating.