I so hear you, Asiablue. I'm sorry it's such a struggle.

I just read rainbow's post - didn't know you were doing sensorimotor therapy. My exT did some of this with me, and I felt really mixed about it.

At any rate, I agree with the others that processing some of the grief related to losing old T might be helpful. I talk in bits and spurts about exT with currentT, and while I find it helpful, it dregs up a lot of shame for me. CurrentT isn't warm and motherly either. But I still feel that she cares and is invested in me. It seems possible to have the latter even if the former isn't present.