Riotgrrrl- No, I have never tried therapy, for multiple reasons. My work history includes working as a mental health counselor. Although now I push paperwork, I remain in the field and continue to work with other mental health professionals and attend conferences. Part of me is afraid I would run into former or future coworkers or clients in the office or run into my therapist at conferences. (Ethically they couldn't approach me in public, but I wouldn't feel comfortable).

I would also find myself over-analyzing their techniques and would likely end up trying to turn the table, trying to become the therapist rather than the patient.

Another thing- one reason my friend was great is he was always available. Sure he didn't respond right away, but if I was having an anxiety attack I would quick send an email, if only a couple lines. Just typing it out was a great comfort and if I hadn't calmed down before he responded, I always did when I heard from him. I need to find a way to deal with my anxiety when it hits me, not 3pm on Thursday, every other week.

I also have financial concerns and work/family issues. My job requires me to get my daily work done, even if I take PTO. In order to leave early for therapy, I would have to come in early. I already come in at 6am and I need time to sleep. I have to get home on time to get my kids from daycare as my husband and I juggle our work schedules with daycare by having me go in early and getting them from school/daycare and he goes in late to get them off to school/daycare.

I also can't stand the thought of having to pay someone to listen to me. How much would that stink? Now, I cared about my clients and liked about 3/4 of them, but I was only there for them when I had that job and I moved on when it was convenient for me, and although I still think from time to time about some I particularly liked, I will never be there for them again. I have issues with over attaching and I fear rejection. I don't want to work with a therapist for as long as is convenient with them, grow to rely on them, and then have them leave. I'm not putting myself through that again. Even here on psych central as I make friends I will be keeping them at a certain distance in any private conversations, keeping my deepest issues for whomever should come by a public post, not to dump on one specific person as I don't want to over attach.

Anyway, I am coming around quite a bit. I'm no longer angry with my friend, I only have minor anxiety issues when I see him posting away on Facebook, things are going well at work, more or less. I still had a couple small anxiety attacks today, but they started and ended, they were not the constant week long nightmare I started with. I guess now that the shock of it is over, I am beginning to realize being tossed aside to save a marriage is OK. I don't like it, but it's not the same as the rejection I got from my friend I lost as a teen. I still have an urge to write and when i was anxious today I picked up my phone twice out of habit, but realized what I was doing before it was too late. I'm starting to believe I will survive this, even if a sadness with forever lurk. Of course, I can still bring myself to tears by thinking of my dog that died when I was 11.

Oh- and what I meant about the terrible boundaries comment is every counseling/social work course I took as well as agency policies for companies I've worked for, stating it is poor boundaries for therapist to participate in any self-disclosure. Some even consider it unethical. When I first started out I didn't get it. I felt part of what would make me a good counselor is because I've shared in so many of the experiences of my clients. I never did though, because it is so incredibly frowned upon in my field and through observation of colleagues and patients, I did eventually understand the importance of keeping my experiences to myself. I was still able to tap into my feelings and reactions to my own life to really get what people were going through and every supervisor I've ever had said I had an incredible way of understanding people and what they need, but I was able to do so without ever letting them know of my own issues.