I hear what you're saying about struggling with your diagnosis. Even though I'd suspected bipolar for a full decade before I actually did something about it, I was devastated when my pdoc agreed with my self-assessment. It's one thing to think you may have bipolar disorder, and another thing entirely to hear an impartial observer say the words, or see them typed on a piece of paper with your name on it.

Meds were also a sticking point for me, especially when I had to start on an antipsychotic. I kept getting hung up on the classification and was afraid it would get me labeled as crazy. (Well, duh, that ship had already sailed, but I was in denial big time, LOL!) But that was the drug that totally changed my life, and now I'm grateful for all my meds.....they work together to make my brain function correctly, and nowadays I feel as normal as it's possible for me to be.