PS I am not sure what you meant by writing that your position is "awful".

"Awful" is a strong word.

What exactly is "awful"?

1) having two men in love with you
2) not knowing which way to go
3) both (1) and (2) above.

I personally find it ***really*** hard to see how (1) alone could be awful. Generally, it is considered a good thing when a man you like is in love with you and wants to be with you. Generally, in and of itself, it is not considered awful. To the extent that more of a good thing is better, in general, having two men in love with you and wanting to be with you, in and of itself, is even better or, at least, as good, but definitely not worse. So, clearly, the "awful" part must be coming from (2) or (3). Right?