Hello. Please have your ob/gyn check your hormone levels and see if something went wonky with them. If your TSH, T4, Estrogen, etc are within normal limits, well, you are going through some really difficult situations with you fmily, and that alone would be enough for anxiety. I think you are wise to wait before another pregnancy.
If you breastfed for a while or recently stopped breastfeeding, that could affect your moods. Your fertility struggle is almost certainly hormone related [unless it was him, not you] and that again, pack a big emotional punch, which you say you feel 'like clockwork.' Believe it or not, that's a good thing. The fact that you can time these episodes in line with your period really gives strong clues that your hormones are strongly involved in your emotional distress. When you have an idea what's causing your pain, it's easier to know what you need to get this anxiety under control. I'm betting that if your GYN can get your hormones leveled out, even if you go back on BC, you might feel a bit better. Post Partum Depression is a witch, but it's not your fault. I had it too, and the anxiety was so awful that I would panic over things that couldn't possibly happen, likeshopping with my baby, her in the cart, and suddenly worrying if I might have the wrong baby. Her dad was actively alcoholic, and kept calling me a **** while I was in labour, then he left the hospital drunk and I had her alone. Enough about me. You sound level headed and like a good mother. Slow down, just take one moment to the next and see if you might check with GYN about the above. HUGS