MLS- i'm not aware of fighting her, i feel like i'm looking for some connection every week, i just don't see any evidence of it.

Rainbow- You are so right, what i want isn't necessarily what i need. It's for that reason that i've kept going with this one. Because she is what i need. Sensorimotor stuff isn't all we do, we are doing Emdr work, we don't really do talk therapy so much, although she takes the lead from me, if i said i wanted to talk we would.

Likelife- I feel shame too talking about what happened with old T. I stopped talking bout it in my current therapy because i felt like it was taking valuable time away from getting on with actual therapy and i'd got to the stage where i didn't feel like i needed to talk about it anymore. So now i just deal with it myself.

Ultramar- Yes, i suppose i did associate it with caring because she chose to give me her time outside of the paid hour, in her free time or a weekends and days off. She thought about me outside of the hour, she said things that told me how much she cared. I just "felt" it. You're right, i may need to redefine nurturing.... I don't see any way my current T is nurturing or caring with me. She's caring in a " this is my job " type of way. But there's nothing that tell me she feels anything else.

1stepatatime- i suppose i have surface level connection. In that i think she's ok and i am fairly comfortable with her. I don't think i could tell her i need more warmth... i'm not sure that's something you can ask a person who isn't naturally like that? Plus i feel a lot of shame surrounding having needs in the 1st place.