What I have realized recently is that any negative action by the "powers that be" with the insurance company, lawyers, adjusters and claim managers who's bottom line is only money, totally triggers me into depression. Though I try very hard to think clearly (they aren't doctors, yes, their bottom line is only money, this isn't personal) my feelings take the route of "Why bother? Why keep trying? They will never change. I can't get what I need. How long would I continue to have to wait for what I need? I'm tired of trying. I can't afford what I need. I shouldn't be spending my energy on trying to help others when I need to try and do for myself instead. I am only allowed to live day by day doing for myself, and not have a social life or other expectations. I am not allowed to have enough pain meds to take care of all my pain, but only enough to make it bearable. How long do I have to keep trying before someone says I've tried enough?"

I need to ignore the opposition and try to live anyway. My attorney (as bad as she is) told me that the opposition wants me to suicide so they won't have to pay on the claim any more. And I'm supposed to trust them for my care.