I use to play a fantasy game where my memory was "erased" and my best friend was in a coma only I could wake her from (time limit to do this too :-) I was told she was my friend but I had to figure out how to/"what" would wake her. For the particular friend I was thinking of, singing to her (even though I cannot sing and it embarrasses me and I am anxious and ashamed when I have to try).

Why do you like your T friends? Why do they like you? What do you have in common? What do they overlook in you. I would figure out what I wanted as "essence of T" for myself, what would help me and even how. I would think about my trauma; my mother was sick all my life and died when I was 3, my stepmother was wonderful. . .at first; then the cracks in the join began to show and she was abusive and we had both too much in common and not enough. We kept "missing" each other when trying to communicate (according to T, which I now see/understand).

If I had to pick a T again I'd look for someone firm but gentle but not sweet, someone close to my mothers' ages when the trauma happened (40-50), someone from a "well off" background (both my mothers came from relatively wealthy homes), someone I perceived as strong but, most of all, someone I perceived knew themselves well and could communicate they did, could "show" their centered-ness, their balance so I could see and emulate it.

What do you want in T, mandazzle? Can you want that so much that you just have to look for evidences of it in a person/Life, are attracted to it enough that you go toward it even though you are angry, anxious, confused, afraid?