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Originally Posted by Katje2011
I have been in a on going affair relationship for 3 years now. I have come to love this man very dearly. my marriage has fallen apart for several years since before my affair, and its as if I have found new love that has changed me and healed my wounds.
I love the man that I have the affair with, its not lust, but I feel as if people that don't understand it look at me as if I am a (person that stand on a corner of a street if u understand - don't want to use THAT specific word). I cried tonight. I feel so empty. for the first time I felt happy again. but now I feel as if things aren't right. my lover went to a priest the other day, and the priest even told him that he is never going to be blessed because of me in his life. I feel broken. I don't feel like I am ever going to be happy again.
its easy to say get a divorce and try again... but at this stage in my life I have my kids I need to sort out and I feel alone. my lover cant help me financially yet, he is starting his business soon, but waiting for his business and starting it is going to take time.
what do I do? how am I suppose to feel? in the eyes of God, who am I?
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I'm not religious, but I think that God would want you to live your life as best you can - and what that means right now is figuring out what you want.
And I say this because right now, you're trying to be different things and it's not working. You don't feel good about getting a divorce, but you're not being a good wife. You want to be in a relationship with your lover, but it's making both of you feel like crap.
Focus on yourself. Don't depend on your husband or lover - become an independent person responsible for your own needs and from there, you and your lover can be together in a mutually supportive way.
If finances are a problem, focus on what you can do to become self-supporting. Your children, I hope, would be supported by your husband even in the event of divorce. So figure out what you need and pursue it.