And what if he's moved on? I couldn't handle that.

This is partially why I stayed away in the first place...so I could get over him and move on, so I wouldn't have to worry about any of this. But it's been a year, why do I even care that he exists? Why I can't like someone as much or more than him?

Why is it that everyone else gets to move on but I NEVER DO? I know there's probably not an actual answer to that question, but it really bothers me. It's not like I don't think they have the "right" to move on, of course they do. What bothers me is that more than one person can like them and yet neither they nor anyone else ever likes me?

I should just let this go and make myself get over him, because if I don't, I won't be able to move on from the fact that I messed up in the first place by not even hinting that I liked him. But I always get in trouble for expressing those sorts of feelings. He would have hated me and possibly never spoken to me again anyway.

So no matter what I do, I lose...so the better question would be, how do I get over him? I've figured out how not to have feelings for other people or at least to be able to neutralize them immediately so when I finally get over him, I'll be free.