Oh Dear Kathy,
My heart hurts for you and your family.
If it helps any I can tell you that my bio parents were in no condition to raise me and my sister. This was in the 70s with an open adoption. Now for me it would have been better to let us go because the child will always hold on to false hope. I am 40 now, my bio parents have since passed but I know that they loved me.
Children will always reach out later in life, so the little man is just away for now. Keep a journal for the day he does return so he can see how much he was loved and thought of.
This is all he will need to be assured that he came from LOVE.
Prayers for you and your family,
happiedasiy