I definitely think that if your wife and you are determined to stay together and that your wife really wants to be there for you and make things work, the therapists really ought to respect that. If she can take it, that is her choice. It may have been different for them, because we are all different and have different levels and boundaries. They should keep that in mind instead of projecting themselves onto her. Instead they should offer help and guidance in how best to make things work and provide some coping mechanisms. Saying that people ought to abandon you is definitely no solution and no help to 'cure' you of your abandonment angst. I know that I would have taken such a hint very personally myself.