I'm actually a psychology student and have done a lot of my own reading (it's a serious interest of mine; currently reading books by James Masterson, Heinz Kohut, etc).

I have been thinking about this a lot more; as well as my post here online. I've come to believe that I posted this online because I wanted outside confirmation that I was "right" (or "good") and the others were "wrong" (or "bad") - I was questioning myself and wanted the approval of others (this forum).

I initially felt angry when I read Perna's response - it wasn't what I originally wanted to hear; but then I began to think about it and see the truth in what Perna said. I actually feel calmn now.

I normally don't stick to something when I'm faced with conflict - and the fact that I shared my feelings with the manager was a big step for me (was it right? was it wrong? who knows - I'm going to see it as a step) since I normally would not have done that. The fact that I stuck with what I said was also something that I normally would not have done - I normally would have agreed with her and changed my stance to hers.

After pondering the situation further, what sticks out the most to me are the red faces (the light red face of the manager, of the two servers, and the really red faces of the two patrons that witnessed the ordeal). I'm reminded of an incident when I first went to live with my mother and stepfather - I was walking up the steps one morning and moved over to let stepfather go past me. He said something nasty to me, and I went to tell him that I was letting him go past me and he cut me off (with a dark red face) and shook his head back and forth and moved his arms from side to side and said, "No! No! I'm not in the mood for it this morning..."

The "red faces" and feeling like a deer stuck in headlights really bother me.