I've never slept separately from my partner when in a relationship but, just this week, a good friend of mine was telling me about how sleeping separately has affected her marriage. She and her husband began sleeping separately a year ago because they like different room temperatures, her husband is a light sleeper, and my friend snores. At first, she said it was great and she slept better-- but now, she says they never have sex anymore and they've lost a lot of intimacy. In fact, they are currently talking about divorce. Clearly, sleeping separately is not the ONLY issue. However, she thinks it is one of the big ones, as they had a very good marriage a year ago when they began sleeping separately. She says that she didn't know back then how much it would affect her marriage. Of course, this is only one anecdotal example. Others may feel differently.

Are you talking about always sleeping separately or only on the 2 nights you have different schedules? I think if you slept separately 2 nights of the week and slept together 5 nights a week that wouldn't be a big deal. I think it becomes an issue when you begin "living" in separate rooms and never have that bed/cuddle/intimacy time. When you have completely separate rooms, you tend to retire separately to your rooms to do many things other than sleep (watch TV, read, relax, check e-mail, meditate, etc). Then, it becomes more like a roommate/sibling/friend relationship and there is no longer a "marital bed."

On the other hand, my sister is in law school and her boyfriend works as a nurse and will sometimes have an overnight shift. Maybe once a week a, her boyfriend will sleep downstairs on the couch when he comes in at 4am and doesn't want to wake my sister, who has an exam at 9am. They still usually sleep together and they both "live" in their shared bedroom. This has never created an issue for them; in fact, my sister thinks it's sweet of her bf not to wake her up on these occasions by sleeping on the couch.