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I have some outside contact with my therapist and it's very helpful -but nothing like the dynamic you had with your ex-T.
My point is that even without tons of contact, I really do feel that my therapist cares and is warm; I feel this from sessions and how he has helped me, it's hard to explain. Maybe you need to look for a therapist who has good boundaries, but at the same time shows him/herself to be warm and caring. I think it's very possible to be both and no doubt there are lots of therapists out there like this.
In reading your post, I realized that I'm not sure what you mean by nurturing. If you mean encouraging your growth (I looked up the definition!), then I definitely feel that from my therapist and I would hope that all therapists are this way. On the other hand ('definitions' aside) I personally associate 'nurturing' with mothers or motherly behavior. This isn't something I'm looking for, but I wonder if you hope for a therapist to be motherly?
I can see how a mother (or father) figure can keep good boundaries and fill this role to an extent, at the same time. But I can also see that if a therapist takes on this role too literally/liberally, it could involve more/outside the usual bounds involvement than what would be considered traditional therapy. In the sense that good mothers/fathers are highly involved in their children's lives, certainly more than a therapist would be.
Do you think the 'nurturing' issue is a sticking point? Do you feel you need a mother-figure who will nurture you somewhat as a real mother would?
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