I keep trying to kid myself that hitting my lower arm with this metal pipe like thing isn't as bad as cutting... but si'ng is si'ng.
Last fall, my eldest daughter threatened me "If you ever cut or overdose again, you have no idea what I will do!"
So I have tried really hard not to cut... did give in once after christmas, but no cutting since and she doesn't know, not going to tell either.
But she is everything to me... I cannot lose her. So I hit, punch, burn, anything that I can justify that I am following her "rules".
Today... just didn't even try to fight it... hit and hit and hit... the pain is so relieving and the wonderful high.....