I agree with what middlepath said: it IS a gift, but it comes with a price. I, too, have come to think that that beautiful moment that happens (or happened to me, at least) before the acute stage of psychosis, is the most beautiful thing I will ever feel--pure, delightful light, clearness and awareness. I don't know whether it was "real" or "fake" in the most pragmatic sense, but I know what I felt, even if it all was some awry brain activity (what is the experience of reality but a brain observing itself?).
I think that people who suffers from a mental illness has got access to a part of the universe (to a consciousness realm, so to speak) that not everyone can have. The thing is, that realm is so meaningfully deep that it can not be expressed by words. The same holds true for the acute, frightening, stage of psychosis. Of course you'll change after a break, as you cannot enter the ocean without expecting to get wet.
Wait, if you're desperate. In the meantime, be here, now, for that's all there is.