Well here I am again seriously contemplating suicide. Last time I figured I would crash my car but this time I have been pouring my pills into my hands and wondering if they would kill me. Thankfully I only have one klonopin because I know those would. And thankfully hubby left his pain pills at work.

I know this is the celexa. This is what happened last time pdoc put me on 20mg. I didn't take my dose tonight. I have an appt on Monday with her. I am terrified that she will hospitalize me again. I can't put hubby through that again. He lost it last time. But these thoughts are the same thoughts that got me there.

In a perfect world I would quit my summer job and go to partial hospital but no. Gotta pat the bills somehow.

Monday needs to come soon. I can't sleep and I ca t get the thoughts of harm out of my head. I won't act on them. Just wish I could
sleep so I could get an escape. At least until morning. Then it will start anew.

Help me help me someone I don't want to feel like this tomorrow I need to feel better please never surrender. Please.