I can understand what you are going through. We all need a way in our life to be able to express how we feel and have someone to talk to and lean on for support. In an idea world that would be our spouses or families. Myself I tried opening up to my wife about my depression and other issues and it didn't work well for me. I started to feel worse and it began to depress her. She looks to me to solve things, give reassurance and be in control and strong. My family isn't good for me to talk to either. The members of my family that don't have their own issues are none. Lots of drug addiction, dysfunctional relationships, and a general lack of support. Opening up to them, led to a lot of judgment and feeling really crappy about myself.

It takes the right people in your life to talk to. This friend provided an outlet for you. It really sucks that he left you hanging. He may have had his reasons, but that doesn't make it suck any less for you. I'm sure it feels like someone died. You had something that was meaningful in your life and now it is gone. I'm sorry for what you are going through.

Maybe finding another friend could be beneficial to you. Someone that you have common ground with and can talk to. I think everyone needs someone in their life to lean on and give/take support with. Bottling things up isn't healthy and can lead to more anxiety, worsening of depression. I hope you can find a way to let all the things out that are bothering you. Take care of yourself and I hope thing improve for you.