ooh, you have to pay for DBT? eeek! oh my goodness. Come to Canada
((hugs)) I'm so sorry.
I get like this too sometimes but not with the suicidal part.. im REALLY scared of death, its my #1 fear. I often wonder if im like in a depressive state or a dysphoric mania/affective instability.. like would meds help? or... what? brain just picks apart my life a mile a minute...
know that lots of us here care about you and want you around k? <3