I was the same way. I've known something was "wrong" with me since about the age of 5, but never had a name for the beast until I was 53.

Actually, I suspected bipolar for about a decade before I was diagnosed, but I knew about lithium from years of studying (and giving) medications, and I wanted no part of it. THAT'S what kept me from getting treated......I thought lithium was the only treatment for bipolar and I wasn't going to take it, so why bother going to a psychiatrist who'd only want to give it to me?

Well, that's how I rationalized it, anyway. LOL. What I was, was in denial about how much trouble I was really in, and it took a loud, profane, embarrassing outburst of rage---in front of my co-workers---to make me understand that I needed help.

Even so.....it took me many months to fully accept the diagnosis. It was one thing to think I might have it, and another thing entirely to hear it pronounced by a doctor trained to figure this stuff out. Now I just take my meds and celebrate the good times, knowing that there will be bad times too.