Hi MK. It sounds like your thoughts are just running amok and you can't control them and they are scaring you to death. I can relate. I keep meaning to try something meditative, but I just can't see it working. I used to do yoga, and the more they would talk about breathing and letting thoughts go, the more anxious I would get because I couldn't seem to do it. I just read something that suggested wearing a rubber band on your wrist and snapping it a little every time you start to notice that you are ruminating to help "snap" you out of it, I guess. I can't imagine anything working so I don't even try. That's no good either.

I think you're probably right about not being in a mental state to be in school. It sucks when opportunities arise when you are unable to take advantage of them. I hate that you were unable to join the DBT group. I don't know exactly how they work or what group rules are like, but it seems like just being with other people who maybe "get you" once a week would be a good thing.

I'm sorry I'm not being very helpful. Just empathizing. I hope you feel our concern and don't do anything to hurt yourself.