So you DO have a therapist? Don't YOU think you should see him? I'm sure you've heard the saying "Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional." You don't HAVE to keep suffering, if you don't want to. I think a visit or three to your therapist would help immensely.

From what you describe, it sounds pretty awful to me! I don't think I'd want to be in a sort of "limbo" like that. Nor would I want to be "non-present!" That would be very frightening to me, as I'd be afraid I'd never get back. And that's very possible when you're dealing with mental illness.

Please see your therapist. I think you know that's what should be done, my friend. And I know sometimes we just don't WANT to do it, but know we should. Please make the call, okay? And know we're with you 100%. In many ways, we've been where you are. God bless and please let us know how things turn out, will you? Hugs, Lee